Friday the 13th (2009)

To think, we almost went to New Zealand to see this.

Ghastly, just ghastly. I expected so much, You may wonder why, but the Texas Chain Saw remake was so good, I figured Marcus Nispel, of all people, was the right man to do justice to Jason's legacy.

Man, was I wrong.

This is a hodge-podge of best-of moments from the Friday series, all held together by the loosest and lamest of plots. It turns Jason into a monster, when I always saw him as a misunderstood little boy bent on revenge because that's all he knew. Here, he's not a boy driven by the love for his mother, but a looming ghost just waiting in the wings for teens to knock off. Any old teens, and anyone else who might happen by the broken down Camp Crystal Lake.

Now, why didn't they remake it the proper way, with new campers going to the lake? Why make it some story of a kid finding his sister who was out a few weeks before and happened to stumble on the camp? That's just dumb. The camp atmosphere and fun was the best part of what made the eventual slaughterings so scary. The bright and cheerful kids in their bright and cheerful world just hacked and butchered. Here, we've got pot-smoking, boob-flashing, cussing and wanking fucking idiots who, umm, get killed. Well, good. I didn't want to see Alice and the counsellors hacked up, but these jerk-offs -- I couldn't wait.

So, someone missed the point. A lot of someones, including producer Sean S. Cunningham from the original who should be ashamed of himself.

Pluses? Some stupendous boobs. That's it.

.0001/5