Righteous Kill, 2008

You know, I did not think this was terrible. It was no Godfather 2, obviously, but I found myself entertained at least most of the way through.

On reflection, though, I may have been less entertained by the movie and more simply by Robert De Niro who has the power to make any less than stellar story seem classy and exciting. I enjoyed his character, and I enjoyed watching him move with tension and restraint throughout the thing, as his colleagues tried to unravel his mystery.

Okay, so in the end it was a bit obvious, a bit heavy-handed, and really nothing we haven't seen before. Still, these guys are great to watch. I never thought I'd see the day where Donnie Wahlberg would be facing off with Al Pacino in a movie, and yet... I also kinda liked the twist on Carla Gugino's character -- I don't think I've seen a masochistic woman presented as quite so normal on screen before. That was cool.

So, yeah, it's a disposable package, but it's not entirely awful.

Pineapple Express, 2007

In her determination to lift my spirits, Trish decided to invade my home and force to watch this movie. Were it not for my slight curiosity to see James Franco play a stoner, I figured the only was I'd ever see this would be with my eyes toothpicked open as if I were Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange. My initial pre-vieweing thoughts? Schlocky, overly long, crude, unfunny, lame. And now?

Oh man, I lauged like a freak. I do think the ending dragged, but this was nowhere near the stupifying two-hour indulgence of a Knocked Up or a Talladega Nights. Just like the better stupid comedies out there -- 40-Year-Old Virgin, Hot Rod are two examples -- this won me over with its naivete and cuteness. The characters here, though relentless stoners, were so innocent and sweet that I couldn't help but like them. Especially Franco's character, who was just adorable. The Man Love themes here were very cute. The drugs were not as big a factor in the "comedy" as I'd expected, thankfully.

It was a caper flick, so lots of funny side characters pop up throughout. It moved along quickly, and while, as I said, the end dragged, it wasn't so noticeable, and I found myself enjoying the whole thing right up to the predictably cute conclusion.

So, yeah -- spirits effectively lifted. I laughed a lot, I belly-laughed a few times, and I found myself more and more a fan of Seth Rogen's comedy, even though I still hate most of the films he's made. Weird.

3/5

The Lodger, 2009

This was a righteous disappointment. After some glorious opening credits that made me think I'd stumbled upon another Perfume, the rest of the movie just screamed low-budget-TV. It's a famous story (Psycho has connections to this), with a famous twist, and perhaps knowing the twist after all these years ruins the build-up?

It could have been so much more. It should have been like Zodiac, or one of those movies, assuming greater audience smarts than going through piece by piece through very famous crimes. In this film, someone is copying the Jack the Ripper crimes, and the film outlines very poorly those crimes and their implications. Either that, or the cops in this city are supremely stupid. And once again, the cop who knows it all is thought to be insane right up until he's not and solves the case. Bit too overdone, that scenario. Just not great, sadly.

Still, my plus on this one was Simon Baker being extremely cute. He didn't do much else.

Acolytes, 2008

Wow, until the final act, this was shaping up damn near brilliant. I found myself gasping in shock at the turns the story was taking, not because of chills or anything, but just that story could be so complex and so satisfying as it wound it's way to its brutal end.

There are some shocks, and they're awesome. The pacing is excellent, the revelations are extremely well timed. The only downfall is the overwrought ending.

Joel Edgerton plays one creepy bad guy.

Ten Inch Hero (2007)

Wow, it's been six days since I last watched a movie. I am slack. I had major plans to stay up all night and go through my huge pile of preview tapes, but I'm tired. So, one movie might be enough.

Tonight I watched Ten Inch Hero, which was recommended to me by some friends. Apparently, they told me, it was similar to Empire Records, which is, of course, one the greatest movies of all time, so I was willing to check this out.

I enjoyed it. It was just a simple story of some kids in a sadnwich shop who all face big changes in their lives in a matter of a few weeks. The movie was sweet, it wasn't overly dramatic, and while I think maybe the plot with the hot gay guy was a bit over the top, it was mostly full of positives. I didn't think the characters were as rounded and complex as those in Empire Records. Also, that film benefitted from taking place in the one locale, and this one really loses steam when the kids are outside the shop, interacting outside of the group.

Still, it was a nice tale of kids finding themselves. And the dude from Supernatural was way hot in full-on punk mode. He should always dress like that.

3/5

Bedtime Stories (2008)

This was okay. I expected it to be a lot funnier, although I don't really know why since Adam Sandler has pretty much been a one-joke-pony since Happy Gilmore.

Something about this, though, in the trailer had me filled with whimsy. Gumballs falling from the sky, chivalry, and mermaids, and all that good stuff took my back to The Neverending Story and The Princess Bride, and I was thinking this might be an update of those sorts of stories-within-stories tales.

While this had elements of that, it was mostly Sandler using some kids to get himself to the top of a hotel chain. Not so whimsical, not so wonderful. And the guinea pig thing was really kinda lame.

Pluses? Guy Pearce was funny, Russell Brand is always worth a perv, and they did a Warriors reference. Okay, but nothing special.

2/5

Russell Brand: Doing Life Live

Okay, so until the Rove appearance, I had no idea Russell Brand was so smart. I was really off him after that whole Jonathan Ross interview where he ragged on Manuel from Fawlty Towers, but now I'm wondering if it was not all some misunderstanding. Brand seems too clever to get caught up in stuff like that. It was Jonathan Ross's fault, surely -- he's a massive prat.

Anyway... the show is too short, but it's funny enough. I don't feel like there was any real narrative going on, which I normally like in a stand-up act, but there's bits and pieces about Brand's family, his philosophy, his adoration of small town newspapers.

A friend commented recently that Brand is funnier when interacting with others, on the fly, and off the cuff. I agree. The stand-up is funny, but his interviews (and the features on this DVD) reveal him as way funnier.

And he is massively hot, which I have only really noticed since I learned of his intelligence. Interesting...

Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)

The more I think about this, the more I really didn't like it. What is so wrong with Kevin Smith that he has to jump on every bandwagon that rolls on by that might be slightly more successful (and more cool) than he is? It's kinda pathetic. If you take a look at Zack and Miri, Smith's need to be all over the latest, funniest thing shows up everywhere. A few examples of Kevin's desire to suck Judd Apatow's cash-sprouting ass, for instance:

1. The cussing Indian boss from 40 Year Old Virgin shows up here as, wait for it, a cussing Indian boss.

2. Seth Rogen from Knocked Up is doing well for himself now, Smith snaps him up.

3. Elizabeth Banks has done well in Judd Apatow films, let's get her in.

Maybe Kevin thinks that by making his film look kinda like one of their films, people might go see it?

So, that was annoying. But more annoying, and the reason I ultimately disliked the film, was the stupid "three months later" ending that kinda resembled Chasing Amy, although in that film it made a bit more sense. In that film, the story concluded quite logically before the wrap-up. So we had tension release, and... something hopeful to leave on.

In this film, we get to the height of the drama -- Zack and Miri, who did they fuck, who do they love, what do they want to do with their lives? Umm, CUT. Oh, Kevin. And three months later all is fine. No. No, no, no, no, no. This is not how stories are written. This is how short cuts are made. Bad -- superbad, if you will. Everyone was just left hanging? No one sought out Zack? No one cared? Would Zack have found Miri had Darrell from The Office not gone to find him? Did he even care? Ugh. Lord. Sloppy Kevin. Wasn't Ben Affleck around to tinker with the script? Make it better? Come on!!

Pluses? The scene with Justin Long and Superman was hilarious. Jay Mewes's tattoos are awesome. Seth Rogen gets less annoying every time I see him. Tom Savini was in it. Kevin Smith was not.

2/5

House (2008)

Oh my god, I watch some shit.

Friday the 13th (2009)

To think, we almost went to New Zealand to see this.

Ghastly, just ghastly. I expected so much, You may wonder why, but the Texas Chain Saw remake was so good, I figured Marcus Nispel, of all people, was the right man to do justice to Jason's legacy.

Man, was I wrong.

This is a hodge-podge of best-of moments from the Friday series, all held together by the loosest and lamest of plots. It turns Jason into a monster, when I always saw him as a misunderstood little boy bent on revenge because that's all he knew. Here, he's not a boy driven by the love for his mother, but a looming ghost just waiting in the wings for teens to knock off. Any old teens, and anyone else who might happen by the broken down Camp Crystal Lake.

Now, why didn't they remake it the proper way, with new campers going to the lake? Why make it some story of a kid finding his sister who was out a few weeks before and happened to stumble on the camp? That's just dumb. The camp atmosphere and fun was the best part of what made the eventual slaughterings so scary. The bright and cheerful kids in their bright and cheerful world just hacked and butchered. Here, we've got pot-smoking, boob-flashing, cussing and wanking fucking idiots who, umm, get killed. Well, good. I didn't want to see Alice and the counsellors hacked up, but these jerk-offs -- I couldn't wait.

So, someone missed the point. A lot of someones, including producer Sean S. Cunningham from the original who should be ashamed of himself.

Pluses? Some stupendous boobs. That's it.

.0001/5

Mirrors (2008)

It started out okay. But so did the Alamo. Had Kiefer Sutherland not been in this to brood and blink all over the place, I probably would have turned it off part way through. It just got lamer as it went on.

There's something in the mirrors that needs to find a girl who needs to fix some wrongs. Blah, blah, blah, blah. People die who have nothing to do with anything. Everyone thinks Kiefer is nuts, and I don't blame them. Until the mirrors start to get everyone! Oh no!

Eventually, the dumbest thing imaginable happens. And then it ends.

Pluses? Kiefer Sutherland could star in a documentary on cardboard boxes, that is silent, filmed in night vision, and three hours long, and I'd watch him. He is cool beans. And seeing Amy Smart rip her own chin off was pretty cool, too.

Choke (2008)

I am so happy this was good. I liked the book years ago, even though it reminded me a lot of Fight Club in terms of its theme. Still, it's the best Palahniuk since Fight Club and the only one I'd ever recommend. So, that it made a decent film makes me a bit fuzzy inside.

Sam Rockwell is perfect here. He's got that weary hotness about him, that makes you want to follow him, wash him, and fuck him all at once. He's just my favourite actor right now, and I can't wait to see Frost/Nixon because Sam just looks so great in the trailer.

I am super-impressed that Clark Gregg, the actor, wrote and directed this. It's a great adaptation, and it takes the story in new directions that weren't actually in the book that I ended up liking a whole lot better. It's just a smart movie. And smart movies are my favourite kinds of movies.

4/5

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People (2008)

Yeah, it was cute enough. It wasn't smack-down hilarious, and it shat me a few times with the pig thing and the dog getting killed, but I didn't hate it.

The DVD has a really long gag reel, which was cool.

It was okay.

Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder (2008)

The best of the lot, I thought.

Body of Lies (2008)

Wow, so long. I had no idea going in how long this film was. And I felt every minute.

Which isn't to say it was bad. It was just very long. And very same-y. There's always a hotshot cop who wants to make things right. There's always the sage in the office who has been broken by cynicism after years of seeing devastation and destruction is the political arena. There's always the young woman caught in the middle, the bad guys made good, the bad guys who are totally evil, and the American government ready to win as Act 3 closes in. I was reminded of Babel and Rendition and A Mighty Heart, and those other movies about people breaking down stereotypes while surrounded by them.

It was okay. And long.

The Wrestler (2008)

Hot Rod (2007)

I had to show this to my sister. Another fan recruited. I have not failed once in my quest to make this the most beloved film of all time by everyone in the universe.