Paranormal Activity, 2007

Chalk this one up as the year's biggest disappointment. I should've known better than to believe the hype -- not that I envisioned in any way that this would be, as it has been described, "the scariest movie of all time". But I certainly thought I'd be at least a little bit scared. So much so, I watched the thing in the daylight, like a wuss. I had visions of Blair Witch, hoping against hope to be crapping myself here as much as I did in that movie.

No such luck. I think there is one genuine scare in this movie. The rest is smoke and mirrors silliness that will scare you only if you've never seen another ghost movie in your whole life. (The similarly filmed Lake Mungo was a hundred times scarier than this, and yet there's no hype surrounding that poor little movie. Where is the justice?)

I almost want to hand it to the filmmakers -- that they could spend $11,000 and build the necessary hype to win back $22 million in the film's opening weekend. You want to say, well done. But, then again, they've spent the money and duped audiences into coming along to something particularly boring, and a little bit stupid. So, instead of praising them, you want to hit them a bit.

Among the film's many issues is this: In a 90 minute film touted as so scary you shouldn't see it alone, why do the scary parts take up about 10 of those minutes? Are we going for a less is more effect? If so, we failed. I've seen scarier, more searing images in music videos.

What else sucked? The passivity of these characters is a good start. Ghosts are clearly in their home, running amok at night, but do Micah or Katie think to go to the police? Get help from actual authorities rather than ONE psychic? Nope. "I'm gonna solve this!" Micah says, more than once. And how? By just filming more shit. Even when the pair find a photograph in their attic that couldn't possibly be there if not for actual ghosts, or the possibility that Katie is lying and psychotic, they still just put it aside as creepy and keep filming. No taking it to the police, getting lab tests, finding out for sure what the deal is. Apparently, capturing spirits on film is a way to get rid of them.

That was the most frustrating part of this movie, and the one thing that made it so unbelievable. These creepy things happen, our couple acknowledge them, and for the most part just go back to day to day living when the sun's up. Why isn't Katie freaking out MORE that she was filmed waking up at 3am and standing by her own bed, staring at her boyfriend for three hours? Why were these people not more creeped out by the powder footprints in their hallway? How did they think MORE FILMING was going to work to ward of this apparent demon? Why does Katie get increasingly angry at Micah for filming yet does nothing herself to curb the issue at hand? Why doesn't Micah point that out to her? Why doesn't Micah, who spouts often about saving her, get her out of the fucking house and take her somewhere she can actually be protected? Why doesn't SHE point THAT out to HIM?

Further, this is an unseen, unknown, unexplored enemy. We know nothing about it, nor what it wants, apart from the possibility that maybe it's following Katie -- she saw something when she was eight, then when she was 13, and now again. There's no explanation as to why what she saw at eight was "a mass"-like shadow and this is not, or, why it didn't harm her or those around her the last few times it showed up. So, with no knowledge of this monster, it's hard to care one way or the other what it does. Particularly when it's battlers don't really trust in it either, at least not enough to really do something about it beyond Ouija boards and powdered floors.

Then there are the scares. I don't think these guys have studied their ghost flicks, their Argento, or their Asian ghost classic like A Tale of Two Sisters and Ringu. Bumps in the night aren't scary. Footsteps running through hallways aren't scary. Unseen chases and screams from other rooms just aren't scary. They might be slightly unsettling now and again, but not scary. And this film promised scares. I kept waiting for something big to happen -- when Micah entered the attic, when Katie wandered to the pool swing, when the psychic rushed outside due to the "aggravation" he felt inside. Waiting, waiting, for the big hit. Only to be met with more footsteps and door slamming or nothing at all. Bo-ring.

So, what's the point? Horror needs a point. This does not have one. And much as I tried to make it all a metaphor for the couple's relationship -- the angrier they get due to lack of sleep and stress, the more the demon feeds on their energy and whatever. But this failed, too, because the demon was around when she was eight. So, it's not really created evil from such a scenario. What is it? We'll never know.

Oh well, at least the filmmakers made some money. Good for them. And the bit where Micah gets dragged out of his bed did give me a genuine jump. But soon after it -- daylight again, and more arguing. So much teasing, absolutely no sustenance.