The Last House on the Left (2009)

I just can't leave well enough alone, can I? I like Wes Craven and I've always thought of him along the same lines as George Romero and Dario Argento in that his films, at least his earlier stuff, were about something far deeper than out and out horror. As much as I loathe his Last House, I respect it in that Craven was clearly trying to say something about fear and vulnerability and revenge, and the torture scenes, though graphic, played into his overall thesis. They're just so hard to watch, and I get so mad at Wes for making me sit through them.

So, when I saw the trailer for the remake, I was scared, and I felt the same tension as in the original, and it all just looking different, and perhaps a smarter version. I don't know, something about it made me very excited. The trailer was cut in such a way that it gave me mad goosebumps. I was so excited to see what had been done, and apparently it all had Wes's approval, so that added to my interest.

Well, I've watched some shit this year already, but this may just take the cake. It's absolutely pointless. It does nothing to improve upon the first movie, and the changes made within are to no ultimate end. And, bizarrely, the thing that offended me the most was the tame torture scenes. Gruesome, yes, but not at all as psychologically penetrating as the first film, which, while ghastly, gave the parents much more reason to go as mad as they do. What happens to the girls in this film is terrible, but I felt the film wussed out on taking the viewer to that place -- the place that takes the viewer from horror and sadness and fear to a place of rage. It's done so well in the first movie, and in, say, I Spit on Your Grave, but here it was just lame.

I think it had to do with the attackers, too. Just brutes, with no real motive. It's simply not terrifying to watch someone beaten by an unrelenting brute -- give that brute character, a personality, introspection, and then the torture becomes something else. I just don't think strangers hammering on strangers works when your purpose is to look beyond terror for terror's sake.

Yeah, so it was awful.

Frost/Nixon (2008)

I love a good political thriller, and when you thrown in journalism, I become slightly high. This was exactly as I'd expected -- tense, smart, funny, and a great insight into a part of the Watergate scandal knew little about.

It was just so well constructed. The act breaks were mortifyingly tense, with Frost getting so close to his goal and Nixon smartly pulling back. What a fierce player this reveals Nixon to be. Listening the tapes over the years, and reading what I've read on the man, I was always struck by his vulnerability, that he could let his jaded mind lead him down these silly paths that were his destruction. But bantering with Frost, he is no pussy cat. He's whip-smart, and Frost clues into that and eventually uses it to get what he wants.

It's a fascinating study of two men so equally talented in their roles, just going head to head in this battle of wits.

I loved it.

Kickin It Old Skool, 2007

Jamie Kennedy, I try to defend you, and then you go and do this.

I was excited that Jamie Kennedy was making a throwback '80s film about breakdancing. How could I not be slightly happy about the idea of a guy getting injured in a breakdance competition only to awake from a coma 20 years later to adapt to the new iPod world? Hilarious.

And it could have been, but this wasn't. Poor production value, a messy script, and jokes that fell so flat. Sorry Jamie. This sucked.

And, while we're at it, stay away from my girlfriend.

Rest Stop: Don't Look Back, 2008

It was just a night for stupid horror. I knew it was going to happen, and as angry as I got during this second crap horror movie of the night, I kept sitting there, staring at the TVm just waiting to be impressed and knowing that was extremely unlikely. So... I thought the first Rest Stop was mildly entertaining, if only for the scenes featuring Joey Lawrence as an immesely hot bald cop who gets run over. But this was just horrible.

The brother of the kid in the first movie goes out to find the missing kids and ends up in a world of terror. The stupid in-bred family is back, and everyone has stupid visions of everyone from the previous film, and none of it makes very much sense.

Just stupid. Crappy horror as a therapeutic tool just doesn't seem to work anymore. But, glutton for punishment that I am, I will keep trying.

Amusement, 2008

Lord. Obviously, I had to watch it. Horror movie, clown on the front. It was just begging me to take it home. Well, after an interesting opening, it turned into the largest piece of shit in all the universe. Poorly written, derivative, and ultimately nonsensical. Even the horror was bad.

But I will give it something ... the clown part in the beginning was fucking freaky. The big clown sitting in the chair, staring at the girl. Oh my god, I thought I was going to die. Why do I let myself watch things with clowns in them? So, that was fun. Otherwise... LAME.

The Promotion (2008)

I expected a bit of dumb comedy in the Will Ferrell vain here, but was pleassantly surprised with something resembling, say, Wes Anderson, but with that stupid comedy edge. There was far more going on here than just silly comedy. It was smart at times, odd at other times, and absolutely stupid in other places again. But I found it, maybe... quaint? Don't know, perhaps the actors kept it above water. Worth a watch, but not a flat-out comedy by any stretch.

And the DVD has a classic gag reel with a hilarious stretch of fuck-ups by Bobby Canavale.

Gran Torino (2008)

I don't know what has happened to Clint Eastwood. Perhaps I am misremembering the subtleties and surprises, visually and emotionally, in films like Play Misty For Me, High Plains Drifter, Heartbreak Ridge and Bird. Because lately, Clint Eastwood -- the director -- has been responsible for some horrible, overly sentimental, heavy-handed storytelling. Million Dollar Baby did it, Mystic River, and now this. It's just not the Clint I remember.


Gran Torino's main conceit is that of a crotchety old Korean war vet finding friendship with a group of Chinese people living next door to him. A young man, Tao, gets in trouble with the local toughs and old man Clint saves the day, thus becoming a hero to the mostly foreign neighbourhood. He resist at first until he begins to enjoy the company of Tao and his sister.

But, because Clint can't keep the "gook" and "chink" defamations to a minimum, even around his new friends, things go wrong, and Clint inadventently starts a neighbourhood war between the gangs and the nice families with himself in the middle.

And from there, everything goes exactly as you might expect. Everything you think will happen does happen, and every possible secret hidden behind Clint's world weary eyes turn out to be not very secret at all, and are, in fact, the subject of just about every cranky-war-vet-made-good film (of which their are skads).

This one is one of the worst, with obvious plotting, melodramatic scoring (the sound of military drums every time Clint goes off to do some racial taunting is especially cringe-inducing), and overwrought imagery (the Christ-pose at the end was the final nail in the movie's rotting coffin for me).

I just ended up resenting everything about it. It was a great idea just plundered by Clint's apparently new-found desire to shove his themes down out throats rather than subtly, visually allowing us to figure it all out for ourselves.

Just terrible.