Kickin It Old Skool, 2007

Jamie Kennedy, I try to defend you, and then you go and do this.

I was excited that Jamie Kennedy was making a throwback '80s film about breakdancing. How could I not be slightly happy about the idea of a guy getting injured in a breakdance competition only to awake from a coma 20 years later to adapt to the new iPod world? Hilarious.

And it could have been, but this wasn't. Poor production value, a messy script, and jokes that fell so flat. Sorry Jamie. This sucked.

And, while we're at it, stay away from my girlfriend.

Rest Stop: Don't Look Back, 2008

It was just a night for stupid horror. I knew it was going to happen, and as angry as I got during this second crap horror movie of the night, I kept sitting there, staring at the TVm just waiting to be impressed and knowing that was extremely unlikely. So... I thought the first Rest Stop was mildly entertaining, if only for the scenes featuring Joey Lawrence as an immesely hot bald cop who gets run over. But this was just horrible.

The brother of the kid in the first movie goes out to find the missing kids and ends up in a world of terror. The stupid in-bred family is back, and everyone has stupid visions of everyone from the previous film, and none of it makes very much sense.

Just stupid. Crappy horror as a therapeutic tool just doesn't seem to work anymore. But, glutton for punishment that I am, I will keep trying.

Amusement, 2008

Lord. Obviously, I had to watch it. Horror movie, clown on the front. It was just begging me to take it home. Well, after an interesting opening, it turned into the largest piece of shit in all the universe. Poorly written, derivative, and ultimately nonsensical. Even the horror was bad.

But I will give it something ... the clown part in the beginning was fucking freaky. The big clown sitting in the chair, staring at the girl. Oh my god, I thought I was going to die. Why do I let myself watch things with clowns in them? So, that was fun. Otherwise... LAME.

The Promotion (2008)

I expected a bit of dumb comedy in the Will Ferrell vain here, but was pleassantly surprised with something resembling, say, Wes Anderson, but with that stupid comedy edge. There was far more going on here than just silly comedy. It was smart at times, odd at other times, and absolutely stupid in other places again. But I found it, maybe... quaint? Don't know, perhaps the actors kept it above water. Worth a watch, but not a flat-out comedy by any stretch.

And the DVD has a classic gag reel with a hilarious stretch of fuck-ups by Bobby Canavale.

Gran Torino (2008)

I don't know what has happened to Clint Eastwood. Perhaps I am misremembering the subtleties and surprises, visually and emotionally, in films like Play Misty For Me, High Plains Drifter, Heartbreak Ridge and Bird. Because lately, Clint Eastwood -- the director -- has been responsible for some horrible, overly sentimental, heavy-handed storytelling. Million Dollar Baby did it, Mystic River, and now this. It's just not the Clint I remember.


Gran Torino's main conceit is that of a crotchety old Korean war vet finding friendship with a group of Chinese people living next door to him. A young man, Tao, gets in trouble with the local toughs and old man Clint saves the day, thus becoming a hero to the mostly foreign neighbourhood. He resist at first until he begins to enjoy the company of Tao and his sister.

But, because Clint can't keep the "gook" and "chink" defamations to a minimum, even around his new friends, things go wrong, and Clint inadventently starts a neighbourhood war between the gangs and the nice families with himself in the middle.

And from there, everything goes exactly as you might expect. Everything you think will happen does happen, and every possible secret hidden behind Clint's world weary eyes turn out to be not very secret at all, and are, in fact, the subject of just about every cranky-war-vet-made-good film (of which their are skads).

This one is one of the worst, with obvious plotting, melodramatic scoring (the sound of military drums every time Clint goes off to do some racial taunting is especially cringe-inducing), and overwrought imagery (the Christ-pose at the end was the final nail in the movie's rotting coffin for me).

I just ended up resenting everything about it. It was a great idea just plundered by Clint's apparently new-found desire to shove his themes down out throats rather than subtly, visually allowing us to figure it all out for ourselves.

Just terrible.

17 Again (2009)

It was unexpectedly awesome. I had a strong suspicion this would be one of those cute-but-cheesy flicks that made for a funny trailer but a disappointing film. I was wrong. Happily. It was cute, funny, had a little bit of edge, and, believe it or not, a lot of smarts.

If you like that sort of thing, of course.

It's the do-over premise, wherein 37 year old Matthew Perry spends 20 years regretting his lost opportunities after marrying his high school sweetheart and, upon finalising his divorce, gets the chance to make amends. Only, turns out, it's not himself he needs to save most of all, but his wayward kids. He meets Bill Murray's brother and gets cast back 17 to figure out where everything went wrong for him.

Zac Efron was really good as the young Matthew Perry. It was cool to see him in something other than a singing-dancing cheese-fest (not that there's anything wrong with that). He proved himself a really funny actor, who played off his co-stars -- so well it looked like he'd been studying old episodes of Friends to up his Perry-esque technique and perfect his comic timing. Whatever the case, he pulled it off. I don't think I've laughed so much in a movie in ages.

And, it was really sad, too. Made me think about love and marriage and happiness and mistakes and what it really means to put your dreams on the shelf for someone else's happiness, or for the sake of love alone. Of course, I think love is a huge sham right now, so to get me in romantic tears was gonna be tough, but this movie succeeded. Maybe it was seeing Zac cry that did me in? Possibly.

At any rate, I loved it.

Arj Barker: Balls (2008)

Yeah, it was funny. Smart jokes mixed in with lots of jokes about balls. A nice balance. I usually prefer subversive comedians like Bill Bailey and Sean Hughes, and people who use their comedy to challenge ideas and educate, like Ricky Gervais and Bill Hicks. So, it was actually kinda fun to sit bak and watch a guy whose only purpose is to be funny.

It was good.

Marley & Me, 2008

Well, I cried. A lot. A bit because of the movie, and a bit because of how much I love my own dog. Aww. The movie goes through about 10 years in the life of this couple and their dog, and just shows how integral to the family unit a dog can be. So, when it comes time for the dog to leave the unit, it's a huge alteration, and hugely affecting. As much as Marley was a crazy, uncontrollable freak, he was still gorgeous, and comforting, and all the good stuff.

Fulci's just as insane -- can't be off the lead, is poorly trained, barks at everything. But I know he's the softest, most beautiful presence in my life, and I can't imagine a world without him. And he's been there through everything. I was saying to Steve the other day, that I think Fulci is strongly attuned to the energies in the house. He currently has this overall melancholy that is lifted in brief moments of excitement, such as walk time or when one of us gets home from wherever. When things were good, he'd go off and do his own thing, but lately, he clings to my side. He never used to sit with me on the couch and watch TV, preferring to go sleep in his fort under the bed covers, or in his beanbag. Now, he cuddles up to me, pushing so close into me that he makes himself, what appears to me anyway, so uncomfortable. He looks at me and tells me things, like he wants food, or to go out, or to go for a walk. He communicates in this amazing way, and then he snuggles in appreciation when you get what he's saying.

It's really true, what this movie says, that a dog asks for nothing but care. And if you care for him, he'll care for you. Unconditionally. You can be messy, mental, up, down, confused, happy, angry, sad, and he'll be there, ready and willing to make you feel better. He snuggles, and then he beats up a toy, and then he runs around like a spaz, and he sees me laughing and he does it more. He's just the best. And when Marley died, the scene was really incredible, in that it showed Owen Wilson patting the dog, over every part of the dog, and I just bawled thinking about how well I know my dog, and how I've raised him to be this amazing, smart, caring creature. It would be hell to lose him.

The movie was good. I enjoyed the dog stuff, as well as the human stuff. A movie about two writers will always work for me on some level. It was smart and funny and sad. A good afternoon spent thinking about my best friend.